Always Shall Be
by MissAnnThropic
Summary: A scene set between the end of “Search for Spock” and the beginning of “Voyage Home.” The first signs of hope for the friendship between Kirk and Spock as seen through McCoy’s eyes.


Title: Always Shall Be  
Author: MissAnnThropic  
Summary: A scene set between the end of "Search for Spock" and the beginning of "Voyage Home." The first signs of hope for the friendship between Kirk and Spock as seen through McCoy's eyes.  
Disclaimer: None of it's mine, but you knew that by now.

* * *

Leonard McCoy had been watching Spock for at least an hour. How long Spock had been standing there on the temple palisade McCoy couldn't even guess. The Vulcan sky was overcast, not with clouds but with a particularly vicious and high-altitude dust storm, and it muted the effect of the brutal Vulcan sun. Elsewise, McCoy would have been forced to seek shelter half an hour ago.

And James Kirk would have had to find another ledge to perch on in his brooding solitude.

All in all, McCoy would have thought the atmosphere would be much different between the three of them. On the outside, it seemed like a hell of a good reason for celebration. Spock had returned from the dead, McCoy had only one psyche rattling around in his head, and Jim...

Well, Jim had lost a son and quite possibly his career. But he snatched his best friend back from death. That should be a cause for joy.

But then, it wasn't quite the same Spock who'd gone into that warp core room.

The rest of the crew who'd forsaken their futures to accompany their captain on his rescue mission were inside. Scotty was pouring over some Klingzai guides the Vulcans had, trying to gather enough working knowledge of the language to get their stolen Bird of Prey spaceworthy again. Everyone else... honestly, McCoy wasn't sure what they were doing. He'd been on his way back to the main temple compound following a check-up with the Vulcan voodoo priests after the _fal tor pan_ when McCoy saw Kirk, and Spock, and found himself rooted in place and watching.

Kirk was sitting on the edge of the jutting cliff of the high-mountain temple, legs hanging over the edge and dangling over hundreds of feet of air. It made McCoy edgy, but he tried to keep the line between 'doctor' and 'mother-hen' distinct.

Kirk hadn't moved the whole hour McCoy had been standing there. Neither had Spock. The Vulcan was a good distance from Kirk, enough to go unnoticed by the solitary human. He was motionless, watching Kirk.

They were quite the pair. Or trio, since McCoy had been standing there for more than an hour watching Spock watching Kirk. He kept waiting to see just what either one of them would do. He was beginning to realize that the both of them might keep on doing nothing forever.

Breaking the spell that had seemingly frozen them all, McCoy moved toward Spock.

The Vulcan glanced in his direction when he saw movement from the corner of his eye, but there was still a disturbingly absent look in those familiar brown eyes. Spock did a double-take and on the second go, there was a flicker of recognition. Still, so much was missing.

Spock was wearing the cream and brown robes of the acolytes, the same style of attire given to him immediately after the _fal tor pan_. The old Spock would have traded for more familiar clothing. Apparently the problem now was Spock didn't remember enough for anything to be familiar.

McCoy came to a stop alongside Spock. Spock gave him a long, considering look but said nothing.

"You look like a man with a lot on his mind," McCoy said by way of greeting.

Spock puzzled at that. "How can one have anything 'on' their mind?"

"I mean you look like something's troubling you. Care to talk about it?"

Spock frowned and turned his attention back to Kirk. McCoy imagined that a manner of answer in itself and followed the Vulcan's gaze. The captain was unmoved as ever, his back hunched in the nearest thing to defeat McCoy had ever seen. He looked beaten, though not broken. McCoy had a theory that Kirk could never be broken... but man, did he take some beatings.

"I do not understand Captain Kirk," Spock finally said.

McCoy grunted. "You used to call him Jim."

Spock paused. "I did." He shook his head faintly.

"What don't you understand? Though god knows I've never been able to figure the man out."

Spock didn't appreciate the attempt at humor and the skin around his eyes tightened. "Why is he out here? It would be more logical for him to be with the other humans."

McCoy didn't like the way Spock called his old crewmates 'other humans' like they were strangers.

"Well... that's a good question. Maybe because he's lonely."

Spock made a face as though tasting a foul fruit. "That is illogical. Because he is out here he is lonely, therefore he should rejoin his crew."

McCoy smiled sadly. "It's not that simple." The doctor frowned as he tried to explain a phenomenon he had observed so long but never put to words. "He'd give his life for every single person on his crew, but when it comes time to be weak and _human_... he can't go to any of them for that. Captain's curse. He can love them but he can't get too close to them."

Spock looked confused. "He has no counsel?"

"Well, he'll talk to me a little, but when it came to really personal stuff... Truth is, Spock, he went to you."

"Me?"

McCoy nodded.

Spock stiffened uncomfortably. "I... do not remember that."

"Yeah... I know," McCoy sighed sadly and looked out at Kirk, alone.

"In my absence, could you not provide the... companionship he requires?"

McCoy smiled wanly. "Wish I could, and I'd try if I thought it would work. Friendship doesn't work that way. You can't just substitute one for another. He and I are friends of a different sort." McCoy felt an ache deep inside him. "You mean a great deal to him, Spock, whether you remember that or not. There was a time when he meant as much to you."

Spock shifted uneasily. "Friendship involves an emotional attachment unbefitting of a Vulcan."

"I don't know about that, but I know it suited you."

Spock's expression went hard. "I am not that person."

"You were once... but if that person's gone, well... I'm sorry to see him go. And I know Jim feels his absence even more than I do."

Spock was quiet for a long time, watching Kirk. McCoy had to wonder... if the man who'd been so attached to Jim was gone, why had Spock spent so long standing out here watching him? McCoy got the feeling Spock was not as different as he thought he was, even if he didn't know it.

"He's made no immediate plans for departure," Spock observed flatly.

McCoy shrugged. "The Bird of Prey's still a mess."

"The Vulcans would grant him passage on a ship. My father would see to it."

"True... but why bother? He might not have anything to go back to."

Spock looked at McCoy then.

McCoy searched those eyes for signs of the old Spock.

"I do not understand, Doctor McCoy."

"He was forbidden to go to that planet and get you. They told him it would be his career if he did. He went anyway."

Spock's frown returned. "Why?"

"You know why."

Spock thought on that a second. "The needs of the one outweighed the needs of the many..." he recited the words Kirk had spoken to him. Spock glanced again at Kirk. "I cannot grasp that logic."

"Before, you would have." At Spock's look, McCoy added, "I don't doubt for a second you would have done the same for him, no matter how _illogical_."

Spock cocked an eyebrow.

"_That's_ friendship. And I can tell you that if given the choice, Jim would do it all again."

"Even if he knew the person he rescued would be a shadow of the one he'd known?"

"Even then."

"Even knowing it would cost him a son?"

McCoy winced. "Even then."

Spock stared long and hard at McCoy.

The doctor let Spock ponder that a while before he spoke again. "A long time ago, you said Jim was as a brother to you. He said the same of you. You're family to him, Spock. He could never abandon you, whether you remember him or not."

Spock went very quiet, his eyes trained on Kirk's lonely figure.

McCoy sighed sadly, fatigued by all that had happened and the broken state of things now. "This heat's too much for me, I'm heading in. Coming, Spock?"

"No."

McCoy nodded glumly and left the Vulcan where he'd found him.

At the door of the temple, McCoy paused and looked back. For the first time since witnessing Spock sacrifice his life, McCoy smiled.

Kirk was still sitting on the ledge with his back to the world, but Spock had moved to stand beside him, just over Kirk's right shoulder. McCoy was too far away to hear if they spoke or not, but it didn't matter. Even from afar, McCoy could see that Jim's shoulders weren't quite as slumped as they had been.

It was a familiar and welcome sight.

"That over-analytical mind of yours might not remember," McCoy muttered triumphantly, "but something else in you does."

END


End file.
